Why I'd vote for Cthulhu

(I posted the comment below in response to "Why vote for Cthulhu" over at View from the Porch. I'm cross posting here because I've decided that any comment over 300 words gets cross-posted. Yeah, ok, I know that just makes me lazy) 

I’m not about making anyone do anything they don’t want to do. I make my choices and respect at least the right of others to make their own even when I don’t agree with them. So instead of saying what you should do, I’ll tell you why I’d vote for Cthulhu.

Even though I’ve never served in the military or any elected office, as an American who loves my country, I consider myself no less bound to an oath which might read,

“I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute my duties as a citizen of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States, I hereby declare, on oath, that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the Armed Forces of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and that I take this obligation freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me God." This is substantially the oath of the naturalized citizen of the United States.

As a citizen in this republic, one of my duties to preserve the Constitution is to vote for people to represent me in the government. Sometimes I’m happy to cast a vote for someone. Sometimes I’m happy to vote against someone. Sometimes I just have to suck it up and vote for the lesser of two evils. However, I will be at the polls to vote on every Election Day. In my opinion, to do less is to spit on the grave or in the face of every person who has ever worn a uniform in service to our country.

Now, if you disagree with me, we can still be friends. You can stay home or vote third party: that’s your business. But practically speaking, how does that differentiate you from the lazy slobs who stay home because they can’t be bothered to figure out what’s going on, or the folks that write in Britney because, like, she’s had a hard time and could use the boost in self-esteem?

I’m not a one issue voter, and I suspect that’s true of most of you. So far, I can’t find a single issue where I agree with any of the announced Democrats, with the possible exception of Bill Richardson. I’m sure I can find at least one with any Republican candidate. That’s all I need.